Friday, February 3, 2012

Mid-Atlantic with a blush of Russian: Your one-stop Keira news round-up


With Cronenberg's Dangerous Method almost upon us - and I must say it's starting to look rather better than I feared from early accounts, which probably only means it's got that much further to fall - Keira's been all over the news this month, in a variety of odd mini-stories, topped off by a first class photo session for Gentleman's Quarterly, as I still like to fool myself into calling it.

And since this is Movietone News, after all, I thought I'd bring together in one post the pick of all the great new Keira stuff out there, on the assumption that you'll welcome having it all at your fingertips, rather than have to go trawling through upwards of a dozen print and online outlets, or - option 3 - saying: "to be honest, I don't know what all the fuss is about" and leaving it at that.
I've also included some of the GQ pictures, so you don't forget who it is we're talking about.

Actually, there was a time when I wouldn't have dared waste your time with mountains of Keira trivia, but since my American friend James Nicholas declared her 'the patron saint of Movietone News' I feel it's my duty, somehow.
So pour yourself a gin fizz and we'll all go on a Keira-in-the-news tour.


First up comes the news that she doesn't own a television.
Keira Knightley: Why I Don't Own A Television is courtesy of the Daily Telegraph, a newspaper with a certain highbrow reputation, hence this 'top-end' Keira story.
Turns out that the reason why she doesn't have a TV is the same reason why I don't: because all the programmes are rubbish. So she earns ten points for that, but unfortunately has three taken away again for saying that she watches football in the pub. She almost certainly doesn't really - at least, I've never seen her in a pub. But that's not the point. She should have learned by now that no amount of making out she's Joe Schmo is going to change their minds in Plasma Land, hence the caddish comments beneath the article.

Which leads neatly into this revelation:
Keira: I get less criticism in the US.
This snippet of the GQ interview seems to have got all the attention, with Keira explaining that while American audiences are generally supportive, the British can be nasty, and actually make her cry.
This splenetic riposte - Americans are stupid enough to like Keira Knightley, from what purports to be 'Cosmopolitan's best celebrity blog, 2011' - amply proves her point, calling the US "just about the only country gullible enough to buy her schtick of being a not-ugly posh English girl of no-fixed-talent".
Call it predictable chivalry on my part if you must, but this site really does read like the work of a drunk twelve year old.


We leave the top-end Telegraph 'no TV' type of story some distance behind us now, and pass down the rutted track to Weirdsville, where a story that seems to have originated with your super soaraway Sun has been doing the rounds in no small measure:
Keira Knightley practiced 'sex face' in mirror for Dangerous Method role
"I asked psychoanalysts about it and they said, 'sex and anything like that is trying to release pent-up emotion'. So I worked with that and sat in my bathroom and pulled faces at myself for two days."
The result, apparently, was a 'sex face' authentic enough to convey its merits to David Cronenberg via Skype.
Praise indeed from the director of Shivers, I'd say. And also a fine example of people without televisions making up their own amusements.


The best thing about Dangerous Method looks set to be Keira doing a Russian accent. I've seen clips of it and it does sound pretty terrific.
Here she is talking about doing a fake Russian accent while talking in a fake cockney accent. Sorry about the nasty lead-in music.



Not entirely sure what that bit about the tics are on the face and they're not funny means either, but pretty good for all that, I'm sure you'll agree.
Well all good things must come to an end, and I even I can't go on trawling the internet for Keira stories forever. There are, after all, fires to be lit and buffalo to be caught.
But I'll leave you with Keira singing 'Maybe It's Because', the only good bit in the film The Edge of Love.